Who's Lifesabee?

This is in response to the "Who am I?" blog:

1. What is your story?

My story begins in 1985 even though I sometimes feel like it may have started earlier than that as in a previous life. Growing up I’ve been ahead or behind my time whichever way you see it. My peers have told me I’m an old soul but I like to think that I am who I am because of my life experiences. My parents divorced when I was 8 due to abusive behavior at home.

When that happened, we lived in a safe house which means we weren’t allowed to go anywhere or see anyone. It very much felt like a prison even though the purpose of it was to escape the prison at home. Kind of weird! Anyway, so my mom had to provide for us (4 daughters) on her own which meant we spent lots of time alone or with babysitters. My older sister moved out of our house at age 16 with her boyfriend so that left me (the 2nd oldest) to become the 2nd parent in the family. I helped with homework, food, babysitting duties and I would help my mom with her English assignments for college (I was only in jr. high). We lived in government housing so were around other families like us.

I pretty much learned to be timid/hesitant of new people b/c I knew that many of them are out to do harm not good. By keeping quiet & observing, I learned to read people and in between the lines when they spoke. I say I’m pretty good at pinpointing the good vs the bad people. By the time I was in high school, my parents decided to get back together. I’d love to say that the abuse was gone but there was still quite a bit of verbal abuse. I was much older so I learned to stand up for myself & talk back. I know you aren’t supposed to do that to your parents but it was the only way to fight back so I did. There was just no way in heck I was going to let another person dictate my life or make up my mind for me.

I finished high school & I moved the heck out at 18 to continue my education. Being away from my parents was both hard & nice; I learned to deal on my own, met a nice man, fell in love, and decided to marry. My parents remarried a month before I got married and had another baby 8 months before I had my first. I don’t hold any hard feelings but I also don’t like being involved in their drama so I stay away from it as much as possible and I make the best out of my time with them.

2. What are your expectations?

My expectations are to achieve everything I set my mind to. I don’t hold high expectations that they will happen fast but I do know that they will if I only have patience. Good things happen to those who wait, right? Also, things happen for a reason. If something goes wrong or you are delayed, there’s a reason for it. So, we have to take the delays in life & turn them around. Make the best of the detour. When you get lost, instead of cursing, sightsee! If you hadn't gotten lost in the first place, you would have never made it here.  That’s what I say anyway! :)  See the positives, not the negatives.

3. What is your purpose?

My purpose is to help other people. I have always been a great advocate of helping others whether it be with a project, with life, with advice, an open ear, a shoulder to cry on, whatever the case might be. I know that’s where I belong I just haven’t found a job where I can do that & still support my family. One day though…

4. What is your destination?

My destination is to make a difference in someone else’s life which will in turn be the little seed that helps someone else. It’s like the pay it forward movie: if I can make someone happy, they can make someone else happy and so on until the world becomes a better place. One person can’t make ALL THE DIFFERENCE but they can make SOME DIFFERENCE in the universe. Or at least I’d like to think so.

5. What is your path?

I guess if I knew this answer I’d be there by now?? I don’t really know the correct path, I know one of the paths is to be nice to everyone you meet & treat them like you’d like to be treated. However, you can’t always be nice to those that wish you harm b/c then you get taken advantage of & that’s not good either. You need to be happy with yourself if you want to be happy with the world around you & I don’t think you can accomplish that when you’re always thinking of others before yourself. You come first but determining what is right v.s. wrong isn’t always easy & that’s a fine line you have to step on.

6. Who are your adversaries?

The biggest adversary is always yourself! You’re the only one stopping yourself from achieving your goals, from being happy, and from being brave & taking that first step. My biggest adversary is getting too comfortable that the thought of an abrupt change, freaks me out. I try to take small steps to finally tell myself, “Hey, it’s not about you being selfish, it’s about you doing what’s best for you.” Then, I’m usually ok with the decision or courageous step I’m about to take.

7. Who are your allies?

My allies are my friends. They believe in me, they have faith that I’ll make the right decision, & they support me in whatever it is I decide to do. They are never judgmental, they accept that people make mistakes, & they love me b/c I’m the best person ever!! Lol (This was becoming too sappy…lol) So, what keeps me on the right path is my trust that things will go as planned, the faith that if they don’t it will be ok, my patience to wait for the right moment, & my determination to keep on pushing even when it’s a hard thing to do. I’m a fighter…I always have been so when I hear that I can’t do something I use it as fire to make sure that I do it to prove to that person & ultimately myself that I can! So, f off you haters!