I’ve been meaning to write this post for a while now and what better month than October to do so since it is after all Domestic Violence Awareness Month. And yes, I’m sorry I didn’t post this on the day that meant to. Life happens.
Definition/Information
A pattern of behavior that includes the use or threat of violence and intimidation for the purpose of gaining power and control over another person. Violence is characterized by physical abuse, sexual abuse, economic abuse, isolation, emotional abuse, control, or verbal abuse.
Now keep in mind that the abuser can be ones husband, wife, child, roommate, relative, boyfriend/girlfriend and any such person that one cohabitates with. Since DV cases mostly involve women and their husbands or boyfriends I’ll be posting mostly about that. That’s not to say however that men aren’t abused by their partners because that too happens.
Let's take for example the common characteristics of a male abuser (i.e. husband or boyfriend). In many aspects the abuser may have or do:
- A traditional view of women
- Alcohol Abuse
- Different public versus private behavior (e.g. be a saint with strangers but an abusing asshole while behind closed doors)
- Abuses his power, uses control and/or manipulation tactics
- Clams to lose control when he harms you
- Tends to excuse or justify their behavior
o If you would just listen to me I wouldn’t have to hurt you.
o If you would just learn to shut up and do what you’re told!
o It’s never his fault for his behavior. It’s always someone else’s… most likely “yours”.
Men who abuse underestimate…
- Amount of violence they are using
- Type of violence they are using (e.g. slap vs. punch)
- How often they are violent
- The likelihood that their violence will cause injury.
- The types of injuries and number of injuries.
Unfortunately, even after being harmed or abused in any way by their husband or boyfriend, a woman may think that things will change and this was only a one time thing. Chances are however that will not happen. In all likelihood things will actually escalate and often times become worse. And then you'll get stuck in this never ending Cycle of Abuse.
I want to share this video of an episode of 20/20 which was aired a few years ago. It's about a woman who thought she had married the perfect guy. The video is about 21 mins long and is a bit hard to watch, but it a good idea of what happens in DV cases.
Stats
- Nearly one-third of American women report being raped and/or physically assaulted by a current or former boyfriend at some point in their lives.
- Ever nine seconds, a woman in this country is physically abused.
- On average, more than three women are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends in this country every day.
- Domestic violence accounts for over 50 percent of female homicides.
- An estimated 4.5 million physical assaults are committed against U.S. women by intimate partners annually.
- Eight-five percent of domestic violence victims are women.
- Women of all socio-economic groups experience abuse. However, women in poverty face particular hardships and challenges when they try to leave abusive relationships because they lack the resources they need to support themselves and their children.
- DV among gay and lesbian couples occurs in approximately 25-30 percent of relationships- the same statistical frequency as in heterosexual relationships.
- Slightly more than half of female victims of intimate partner violence (IPA) live in households with children under age 12.
- Each year, thousands of American children witness IPA within their families. Witnessing violence is a risk factor for long-term physical and mental health problems, including alcohol and substance abuse, being a victim of abuse, and perpetrating IPV.
How to know if you’re in DV relationship
The AzCADV website has a quiz that you can take to help you see if you are indeed such a relationship. Sometimes people don’t even know they are in a violent relationship because their situation has become “normal” to them. It sometime takes an outside point of view or checklist such as the one provided on the AzCADV website to help you see what’s really going on.
What now?
Whatever route one decides to take make sure you protect yourself and children first! Get the help you need and get out of the horrible situation you are in. Nobody deserves to be treated like that.
Check out some of the sites for more information on what to do, stats, and how to get help. You never know when shit will hit the fan. Don't become a statistic!!!
PS. Yes, this is meant for you. I know you know I’m talking to you specifically. We; Steph, Bee, and I, are worried for you and S. Come on girl! You don’t deserve this shit!
