Dooms Day

So for the past...oh I don't know...month?  I've been feeling like crap.  My mood swings are hay wire & I'm tired, frustrated, bored, annoyed, & done with it all!  I've been struggling with blog posts b/c I feel like I'm in a crappy mood & that'll come across to everyone else.  Those who know me know that I'm not the kind of person to pass my misery onto others so I've tried to find the joyful things in my life.

Don't get me wrong, I love my life but I feel like something's missing.  My life has become this routine that I can't seem to get out of no matter how much I try. Even though, I have been successful at DISTRACTING myself, the truth of the matter is I still can't help but feel like I'm in a monotonous, dead end relationship with the world.  It's almost like I've lost myself in the process of trying to find myself.  Does that make any sense at all??

The worst part of it is that I feel like I never truly enjoyed my teens/20's and the older I get, the more life passes me by & the less I feel like I got to enjoy the good parts of being that age...which to be honest, I have no clue what those are nor do I know that I'd even have an interest in them.  lol  I know, I'm a walking contradiction!  I deep down that the feeling is not the case at all & that I'm a good spot.  For example, Cooper from the Cooper Lawrence Show was saying that at 40something she still rents, doesn't own any property & she feels that she would have at least owned something by now.  Do you have similar situations where you feel you should have accomplished something by now?  Like what?

My problem isn't checking off things from my "should have done" it's not being able to check off things from my bucket list.  For example, Vegas has been a place I've so longed to visit & now that we have the opportunity to go, we can't b/c if we went, we'd have to leave baby behind.  We can't exactly take him either.  So, I guess Vegas will have to wait a few more years & who knows if we'll even be able to by then.  See what I mean, I'm doing it again?!  I don't know why I'm so negative right now, I'm not one of those people at all & it's so frustrating.  Do you have a bucket lis? What's on it?

I was talking to Party of 3 on the phone last night & she said it sounded like I needed a vacation.  I said, "I know that but I just don't know where that vacation destination would be since we can't afford to take a full on vacation & I don't just want to take my vacation & be at home doing the same old b/c then it won't feel like a vacation at all."  So it made me wonder if I was being too picky.  After all, a vacation is vacation right?

I just don't know anymore so any comments, questions, concerns, or ideas on how to get out of this are greatly appreciate it!