Ok, I know I didn't tell Crimnerd and Coffee but every now and then I would ask G about moving. His responses have been: "after a year", "soon", "we can move next month if you want to", and the recent one, "when you get a job so we can save money". It wasn't until Lifes a Bee pointed out to me that he really is not interested in moving. So, I am starting to look for a job, found two job openings and I have sent two job applications; I am excited to start working!
Here is my opinion/input: What I want to know is, do you think I would be rash if after saving money and start talking about moving and he doesn't want to, to just tell him I found an apartment and take Baby S with me, and say something like you know where we are when you ready to cut the umbilical cord? Ok maybe saying the umbilical cord part was the frustration coming out. I am sure you guys knew it was something along these lines.
3 comments:
I think it would be a rash decision to make but I also think that if you're tired of your current living situation & you're ready to move out, then you should!
However, you need to be prepared for the possibility that he doesn't want to move & then you'll be stuck with the lease on your own. So, my suggestion would be to start saving the money and when you're close to saving the amount you need/want, mention to him that you're almost done saving & that you're going to start looking for another place to live.
His reaction might surprise you, it might not but at least he's aware that your intention is to look for another place to live & move out. Then he can't say you caught him by surprise.
Also, include him in the selection of your new place. He might not participate or care too much about the place but if you include him in the selection process at least you're giving him the opportunity to speak up & tell you what he thinks.
When all is said & done, remember the decision is up to you and nobody else. Look at it as you would everything else. When you were single, how did you make a decision? You probably evaluated the pros/cons & went from there.
Being in a relationship is no different. You still make the decisions that way except your pros/cons are a combination of what the 2 of you think.
Also, nothing is worse than being unhappy & that includes in your home/with a partner. If you're unhappy with your living situation, you can't expect for your relationship to be GREAT b/c your unhappiness will end up playing a role in your relationship's unhappiness. Don't know if that makes sense to you but there you have it! :P
Maybe it's because I can be a rash person, but I would have thought to do the same. WTF man!?! If he isn't gonna do it himself I think it is wise of you to take the initiative and find your own place.
However, with that being said, Life's A Bee's plan seems a lot better thought out if you want to salvage your relationship. I don't have the perspective of having lived with a partner so, I guess my mentally is, "fuck it and fuck him" so I'm not the best person to take advice from when it comes to relationships. Guess now we know why I don't have a boyfriend. Hahaha.
I'm sure what you decided to do eventually will be right for you. All I am say is not to hang on to something if it ain't going nowhere, if you get my drift.
Criminologynerd's response of "All I am saying is not to hang on to something if it ain't going nowhere..." is exactly how I feel.
I wasn't very clear on that when I said the decision is yours to make & nobody else's & that there was nothing worse than being unhappy in a situation.
I think it's safe to say that Crimnerd & I agree when it comes down to YOU making a decision that is RIGHT FOR YOU. Don't wait until he makes the 1st move because that may never happen & you will FOREVER BE UNHAPPY.
We both do hate to tell you that the relationship is going nowhere if he's not willing to cooperate but that's the truth of the matter. So ultimately you have to decide between being unhappy in that situation or doing something about it even if it involves doing something that will make you sad/hurt. It is better to do it now before your feelings get more deep into it & you'll hurt even more.
I feel the same way crimnerd does though "F him if he's not willing to move...I am! If he wants to follow me great, if not, it's his loss. I'm not going to waste my time with someone who doesn't love me enough to be the least bit concerned with my happiness."
My husband knows that, perhaps that's why we've lasted this long. ;) I guess there is something about the saying that "the more you expect, the more you get back." lol Something for you to keep in mind.
Best of luck!
Post a Comment